So You Still Want to Date a Super Hero
Valentine's Day is here once more, and we couldn't be more thrilled! Oh wait, no. The other thing. Depressed and lonely. Kidding! We're doing great. ::weeps into bowl of ice cream::
This time last year, we decided to forgo "real people" and think about what it would be like to date some of the World's Greatest Super Heroes. From Superman and Batman to Wonder Woman and Harley Quinn, our sad, reality-denying brains came up with tips for any potential surprise super dates with some of the heaviest hitters in the DC Universe.
With the big chocolate-and-rose filled holiday returned, we decided to once again take a look at the DCU and offer up some advice to an all-new set of prospects that include underwater royalty, bald-headed businessmen, and more. And, yes, also Nightwing.
Pros: On-again, off-again King of Atlantis. Can communicate with all sea life, so if your idea of romance is riding a dolphin, Arthur’s your man. At one time had a really cool hook for a hand. Can rock a beard. Rides around on a giant seahorse.
Cons: Gets made fun of... a lot. A comparatively little bit of dehydration will literally kill him. Problems matching colors.
Good First Date Topics: His pet octopus Topo. How fast he can swim. Environmentalism. "Entourage."
Topics to Avoid: That time Black Manta straight up killed his infant son.
Pro-Tip: Carry around an extra water bottle just in case.
Pros: Very worldly—almost as if he's been alive for a ridiculously long period of time. Curated a museum in his free time. Giant wings. Badass mace.
Cons: Might be trapped in a cycle of death and rebirth with his soulmate, so unless you're that person, this relationship is going to be a complete waste of time.
Good First Date Topics: Ancient Egyptian history. Thanagarian vacation spots. Best weapons for hitting super-villains in the face.
Topics to Avoid: Explaining his own history.
Pro-Tip: Tell him about Doctor Who. He'll be able to relate.
Pros: Possesses the wisdom of Solomon, the strength of Hercules, the courage of Achilles, the power of Zeus, the stamina of Atlas, and the speed of Mercury. Has a freaking talking tiger for a friend.
Cons: Tends to grant powers to pretty much everyone he knows—including a rabbit named Hoppy. He's a 12-year-old. Not as in he's childish. He's actually 12 years old.
Good First Date Topics: Magic. Comic books. Sports. Stuff kids like.
Topics to Avoid: Black Adam.
Pro-Tip: If you actually go on a date with him you're going to go to jail.
Pros: He's Nightwing, DC’s most dateable super hero (as chosen by you guys).
Cons: A literal legion of fans will fight you for him. Seriously. They LOVE this guy. They will end you.
Good First Date Topics: Anything. He's charming enough to make it work.
Topics to Avoid: Green underwear. The word "sidekick." What the heck he was thinking when he chose his original costume.
Pro-Tip: Be a redhead.
Pros: Insanely intelligent. Filthy rich. Owns his own business. Can actually be quite charming when he needs to be.
Cons: At one point, swore to kill Superman because Superman accidentally made him bald. Seriously. That is a thing that happened. Likely sociopathic. Wears radioactive jewelry.
Good First Date Topics: His net worth. His IQ. Superman—specifically how he's a menace and a threat.
Topics to Avoid: Faceboook. Michael Cera.
Pro-Tip: DO NOT ACTUALLY GO ON THIS DATE.
Pros: Witty. Exudes confidence. CEO of her own company. Related to Superman. Strong, as in, can punch a semi into space.
Cons: Bit of a temper, so remember that whole "can punch a semi into space" thing. Weirdly possessive best friend.
Good First Date Topics: Life on Earth 2. Books. Movies. The amount of times she's fought Ultra-Humanite.
Topics to Avoid: Supergirl. Her questionable costume choices.
Pro-Tip: Always maintain eye contact.