Valentine's Day is here once more, and we couldn't be more thrilled! Oh wait, no. The other thing. Depressed and lonely. Kidding! We're doing great. ::weeps into bowl of ice cream::

This time last year, we decided to forgo "real people" and think about what it would be like to date some of the World's Greatest Super Heroes. From Superman and Batman to Wonder Woman and Harley Quinn, our sad, reality-denying brains came up with tips for any potential surprise super dates with some of the heaviest hitters in the DC Universe.

With the big chocolate-and-rose filled holiday returned, we decided to once again take a look at the DCU and offer up some advice to an all-new set of prospects that include underwater royalty, bald-headed businessmen, and more. And, yes, also Nightwing.

 


AQUAMAN

Pros: On-again, off-again King of Atlantis. Can communicate with all sea life, so if your idea of romance is riding a dolphin, Arthur’s your man. At one time had a really cool hook for a hand. Can rock a beard. Rides around on a giant seahorse.

Cons: Gets made fun of... a lot. A comparatively little bit of dehydration will literally kill him. Problems matching colors.

Good First Date Topics: His pet octopus Topo. How fast he can swim. Environmentalism. "Entourage."

Topics to Avoid: That time Black Manta straight up killed his infant son

Pro-Tip: Carry around an extra water bottle just in case.

 

HAWKMAN

Pros: Very worldly—almost as if he's been alive for a ridiculously long period of time. Curated a museum in his free time. Giant wings. Badass mace.

Cons: Might be trapped in a cycle of death and rebirth with his soulmate, so unless you're that person, this relationship is going to be a complete waste of time.

Good First Date Topics: Ancient Egyptian history. Thanagarian vacation spots. Best weapons for hitting super-villains in the face.

Topics to Avoid: Explaining his own history.

Pro-Tip: Tell him about Doctor Who. He'll be able to relate.

 

SHAZAM

Pros: Possesses the wisdom of Solomon, the strength of Hercules, the courage of Achilles, the power of Zeus, the stamina of Atlas, and the speed of Mercury. Has a freaking talking tiger for a friend.

Cons: Tends to grant powers to pretty much everyone he knows—including a rabbit named Hoppy. He's a 12-year-old. Not as in he's childish. He's actually 12 years old.

Good First Date Topics: Magic. Comic books. Sports. Stuff kids like.

Topics to Avoid: Black Adam.

Pro-Tip: If you actually go on a date with him you're going to go to jail.

 

NIGHTWING

Pros: He's Nightwing, DC’s most dateable super hero (as chosen by you guys).

Cons: A literal legion of fans will fight you for him. Seriously. They LOVE this guy. They will end you.

Good First Date Topics: Anything. He's charming enough to make it work.

Topics to Avoid: Green underwear. The word "sidekick." What the heck he was thinking when he chose his original costume.

Pro-Tip: Be a redhead.

 

LEX LUTHOR

Pros: Insanely intelligent. Filthy rich. Owns his own business. Can actually be quite charming when he needs to be.

Cons: At one point, swore to kill Superman because Superman accidentally made him bald. Seriously. That is a thing that happened. Likely sociopathic. Wears radioactive jewelry.

Good First Date Topics: His net worth. His IQ. Superman—specifically how he's a menace and a threat.

Topics to Avoid: Faceboook. Michael Cera.

Pro-Tip: DO NOT ACTUALLY GO ON THIS DATE.

 

POWER GIRL

Pros: Witty. Exudes confidence. CEO of her own company. Related to Superman. Strong, as in, can punch a semi into space.

Cons: Bit of a temper, so remember that whole "can punch a semi into space" thing. Weirdly possessive best friend.

Good First Date Topics: Life on Earth 2. Books. Movies. The amount of times she's fought Ultra-Humanite.

Topics to Avoid: Supergirl. Her questionable costume choices.

Pro-Tip: Always maintain eye contact.

 

CATWOMAN

Pros: "Independently" wealthy. Fun-loving thrill-seeker. Strong-willed and determined. Agile. Probably down for rooftop Parkour.

Cons: Literally a crazy cat lady. Might at some point say the word "purr-fect." Maybe be in a relationship with Batman; may not be. It's really hard to tell sometimes.

Good First Date Topics: Priceless artwork. Diamonds. The details on where you keep your valuables.

Topics to Avoid: The Internet's obsession with cats. Halle Berry.

Pro-Tip: Keep an eye on your valuables.

 

STAR SAPPHIRE

Pros: Runs Ferris Aircraft. Licensed pilot. Knows all about love. Capable of putting up with Hal Jordan for extended periods of time.

Cons: A sometimes super-villain. Can brainwash you. Dated Hal Jordan a few times.

Good First Date Topics: The Wright Brothers. Howard Hughes. Haddaway's "What is Love."

Topics to Avoid: Why there are no male Star Sapphires.

Pro-Tip: Don't be Hal Jordan.

 

TALIA AL GHUL

Pros: Very proactive. Expert swordsman, martial artist, and tactician. Has access to Lazarus Pits. Comes from a very powerful family.

Cons: Daddy issues. Once stole Batman's "DNA" to create a love child.

Good First Date Topics: Vigilantism. Crime in Gotham City. Detectives. Batcaves.

Topics to Avoid: Her father. His sister. Motherhood. Healthy relationships. Why killing is bad.

Pro-Tip: Always mind your surroundings.

 

SUPERWOMAN

Pros: Rules her own Earth. A go-getter that knows what she wants and will take it no matter who or what happens to be in her way.

Cons: Is Evil. Will 100 percent cheat on you with Owlman.

Good First Date Topics: Being evil. How pathetic humans are.

Topics to Avoid: Her backstory. Wonder Woman. Pretty much any topic actually because you want to AVOID ALL CONTACT WITH HER.

Pro-Tip: Run, you fool!