Love is in the air. It always is this time of year. Can you feel it?

Of course you can’t because it’s freezing cold outside. Why the heck would you want to go out and feel the air? Besides, it’s almost Valentine’s Day. The perfect day and night for staying in and snuggling with your sweetheart. But what about all the days other than Valentine’s Day? How do you make sure your relationship stays strong and healthy over the other 364 days a year?

We don’t have the secret to lasting romance, but fortunately, Harley Quinn does. In fact, she has five of them. Fresh off her date with Bruce Wayne in the pages of the HARLEY QUINN VALENTINE’S DAY SPECIAL #1, Dr. Quinzel’s here to share the love… or whatever it is that passes for it these days. These are her five secrets to finding happy, healthy, everlasting love. They’re guaranteed* to sweep your Valentine off his or her feet, which is the first step to falling head over heels. (At least, without the use of a mallet or baseball bat.)

Let’s get started!

*Not an actual guarantee. In fact, we don’t recommend taking relationship advice from Harley Quinn, so do so at your own risk. Her best friend’s a dead, stuffed beaver, for cryin’ out loud!

Secret #1 – Find Common Interests to Enjoy

Yes, we know, opposites attract and it’s good to enjoy activities on your own. But if you’re oppositional and alone all the time, you’re not an ideal Valentine, you’re the crazy guy pacing on the street corner screaming and arguing with anyone who approaches. No, you’re going to have a much easier time if you and your sweetie find some activities that you both enjoy. Like shopping!

Secret #2 – When Out on a Date, Dress to Impress

It’s always important to feel comfortable and Harley would NEVER advocate being untrue to who you are. However, if there was ever a time to leave the faded flip-flops and twenty-year-old Rush t-shirt at home, it’s when you’re out on a date. It doesn’t matter if it’s your first date or your fiftieth, clean yourself up and dress up a little. It won’t hurt, your date will appreciate it, and you can still bring your own style to it. Harley sure does…

Secret #3 – Make Sure You’re on the Same Page When it Comes to Kids

Nothing strikes more fear into the hearts of new couples than the dreaded “kids conversation,” and for good reason. The days of everyone dreaming of a nice house in the suburbs and 2.5 kids are long gone. (And Harley says good riddance! Cutting poor, defenseless kids in half is just cruel and wrong!) These days, you just can’t tell how someone feels about raising a family.

Well, hard as it may be, you want to make sure you and your sugarplum see eye-to-eye when it comes to kids.  The conversation may be awkward, but not as awkward as having kids that one of you doesn’t want.

Secret #4 – Roleplay!

Hey, what can we say? After a few years, the same old, same old, gets…well, old. Nothing spices things up more than temporarily becoming something—or someone—you’re not.

Secret #5 – There’s No Problem that Can’t be Solved with a Little Romance

Let’s face it, it’s hard to make a relationship work. We’re flawed, crazy creatures and even the best of us make mistakes. Of course, knowing this doesn’t make things any easier when your lovemuffin cuddle corn goes off and does something stupid. Like getting himself thrown into Arkham. But if there’s one thing all those years spent chasing Mistuh J has taught Harley, it’s the importance of forgiveness. And nothing helps that forgiveness along better than a little romance. We’re talking candles, rose petals, soft music, nice food, stolen diamonds (oh, uh, maybe forget that one?), sweet words and of course fireworks.

There you go. You follow those five itty-bitty secrets and you’re on your way to lifelong love and fulfillment, just like Harley and Joker! Oh wait, they’re done. Well, then like Harley and Tony (c’mon, we know we’re not the only ones who’ve shipped them!). As for those of you who happen to be alone this Valentine’s Day, well, Harley has a bit of advice for you too. Keep your chin up and your eyes open because you never know when and where you might find true love…

Harley Quinn Valentine’s Day Special #1 is now available in print or as a digital download. Be sure to pick it up for more helpful relationship advice. And again, this article is meant to give you a laugh, not the secret to real-life relationship success. Unless you’re hoping to date the Joker…