BIOGENESIS EXODUS DEPT.
It was announced today that Alex Rodriguez will be suspended through the end of the 2014 baseball season due to his use of performance-enhancing drugs (and his reported cover-up of that P.E.D. use — which apparently didn’t go so well). While an appeal is inevitable, his cheating-filled legacy appears set — and if he somehow makes it to Cooperstown, we have a pretty good idea what his plaque will look like.
CRIME FLIES DEPT.
It’s been a big week for two of America’s favorite bad boys, Edward Snowden and OJ Simpson. Snowden was granted asylum in Russia, while OJ was granted parole (eventually). With both fellas getting good news, we started wondering if they had anything else in common…
BURGER ZING DEPT.
Fast-food employees across the county are walking off the job this week to protest their lousy pay, though it doesn’t seem likely their demands for more money will be met. Which makes sense: Fast-food chains have many more important priorities than paying employees a living wage.
When asked by a reporter recently what he’d do if he found out a priest was gay, Pope Francisanswered, “Who am I to judge?” The Pontiff’s refreshing non-condemning tone was welcomed by many and may have set the stage for the Holy Father to do further outreach to the gay community.