Ah Valentine’s Day. That time of year where love saturates the air like cheap air freshener in a dorm the day of a parental visit. You literally can’t escape it. No matter how hard you try. It’s everywhere. Every. Where.
In the spirit of this wonderful love-filled holiday (and in the midst of our lonely nights eating ice cream on the couch while watching back-to-back marathons of Justice League Unlimited and Love Connection) our cookie-dough addled brains began to wonder: what would it be like to date in the DC Universe?
DC COMICS – THE NEW 52 certainly has quite a few options for romance—from super men and wondrous women to vengeance-fueled vigilantes and alien beings (to each their own; we won’t judge)—and to help prepare you for any potential surprise Valentine’s Day super hero dates, we’re giving you some tips for dating some of the World’s Greatest Super Heroes.
Pros: Arguably the world’s most famous super hero. Super nice. Both powerful and confident yet also willing to act dorky and vulnerable. Can uppercut a mountain into space.
Cons: 2 to 1 odds he leaves in the middle of dinner a few times to save someone and come back. At one point he enjoyed having life-like statues of friends and family on display in his home.
Good First Date Topics: The state of journalism. Life on a farm. Corn. The crazy stuff in his Fortress of Solitude.
Topics to Avoid: Kryptonite. The fact that he’s an alien. Taking off his glasses.
Ideal First Date Venue: County Fair
Pros: Incredibly intelligent. Ripped. More money than he knows what to do with. Enjoys a multitude of activities. Owns a T-Rex and a Giant Penny.
Cons: Really, really, really obsessed with “work.” Constantly comes up with contingency plans for taking down even his closest friends. Likely researched everything about you already. Might be crazy.
Good First Date Topics: Justice.
Topics to Avoid: His dead parents.
Ideal First Date Venue: The Circus
Pros: Has been to space and seen countless alien life forms. Very imaginative. Accomplishes things he sets his mind to by sheer strength of will. Chance you will find yourself surrounded by multi-colored Lantern Corps.
Cons: Emotionally immature. Co-workers can be a bit intimidating. Chance you will find yourself surrounded by multi-colored Lantern Corps.
Good First Date Topics: Himself.
Topics to Avoid: Himself.
Ideal First Date Venue: Planetarium
Pros: Honest. Noble. Very friendly. Full of random facts. Job title is “Police Scientist.” How awesome is that?
Cons: Habitually late despite being the Fastest Man Alive. Has a strange relationship with his Rogue’s Gallery. Could leave, go do about 10 other things, and come back and you wouldn’t even notice.
Good First Date Topics: CSI. How long it takes him to do things. Treadmills. The existence of Gorilla City and how that’s a thing.
Topics to Avoid: His mom. Explaining the Speed Force.
Ideal First Date Venue: The Flash Museum
Pros: Knows everything there is to know about technology. Former star athlete. Can hack into anything, anywhere. Free wi-fi.
Cons: Is a cyborg. Knows every MP3 you’ve ever downloaded and your entire browsing history.
Good First Date Topics: Football. The latest tech news. Various gadgets and gizmos that he comes equipped with.
Topics to Avoid: Robocop. The Terminator. Blade Runner.
Ideal First Date Venue: Reddit Meetup
Pros: Intelligent. Strong. Expert tactician. Compassionate. Expert in hand-to-hand combat, swordsmanship, archery, and a multitude of other skills. Loves learning about culture. She’s Wonder Woman.
Cons: Family of ancient Greek gods tend to be petty and cruel and will mess with her and her life in ways you can’t even conceive. Owns a lasso that will make you tell the truth.
Good First Date Topics: Favorite weapons. How to kill a Harpy. Ice Cream.
Topics to Avoid: Her family—both father’s side and mother’s. Pants.
Ideal First Date Venue: Medieval Times Restaurant
Pros: Smart and extremely well-read. Very nice. Expert at computer sciences and programing. Friends with Bruce Wayne. Has connections in the GCPD.
Cons: Father is the Gotham City Police Commissioner. Brother is an Arkham Asylum inmate. Decided to become Batgirl on her own—questionable decision.
Good First Date Topics: Recently read books. Life at 20-something.
Topics to Avoid: The Joker. That time she got shot.
Ideal First Date Venue: The Ballet
Pros: Expert martial artist. Rides a motorcycle. Caring. Witty. Cool friends. Awesome leather jacket.
Cons: Sonic cry that can shatter glass and destroy your eardrums. Once dated Green Arrow.
Good First Date Topics: Who she’s beat up/trained with. Being a team leader.
Topics to Avoid: Past relationships. Poison Ivy.
Ideal First Date Venue: The Opera
Pros: Fishnet enthusiast. Has one of the greatest names in the history of anything ever. MAGIC! Arguably one of the most powerful people in the world.
Cons: Has a tendency to talk backwards. Often associates with demons, monsters, and other magical creatures—and John Constantine. Can set you on fire with a word.
Good First Date Topics: Magic tricks. Rabbits. Top hats.
Topics to Avoid: Her dad. Mind-wipes.
Ideal First Date Venue: The Magic Castle
Pros: Cute. Funny. Degree in psychology and psychotherapy. Very wild and adventurous. If she falls for you, will love you FOREVER.
Cons: Is clinically insane.
Good First Date Topics: Funny jokes. Her pet hyenas. Her friendship with Ivy.
Topics to Avoid: The Joker. Batman. Her makeup.
Ideal First Date Venue: The Laff Factory