It's crunch time, folks! The holidays are right upon us and we've been so busy coming up with our own wish list and dreaming about the gifts we'll be getting (almost got your room all set up, future pet monkey Ampersand) that we've totally forgotten to purchase gifts for the two sets of people we value the most.
Firstly: our fans. As such, we dedicate this column to you! Congrats! We love you more than Arrow fans like us love Stephen Amell's abs and the geeky cute way that Felicity blushes when she sees them.
Secondly: the very characters that keep our comics as awesome as they've been for over 75 years—the heroes and villains of the DC Universe!
What's that? You didn't get them any gifts for them either? No worries, loyal readers. Because you mean more to us than being a super-creepy weirdo means to James Gordon Jr., we can go in together on these presents. And we've already got some ideas of what to get!
So, since this is our last column of the year and since the holidays are 1.5 times more festive than Thanksgiving, three-quarters times the excitement of Halloween, 2.75 times as fun as any other day, half as gift-friendly as your birthday, and has twice the amount of movies themed around it, here are the…er, hmm… The 20.8 Gift Ideas for DC Universe Heroes and Villains!
We covered this one already. Big Blue definitely wants a friend.
Year's Worth of Therapy Session. Dude's got problems.
3. Wonder Woman
Metal Polish for gauntlets, armor and weapons. Plus a nice pair of pants. Like a sword, the God of War needs to look sharp.
4. The Flash
5. Green Lantern
Matching "Best Friends" T-Shirt with Sinestro.
Aquarium. For when his fish friends come to visit.
Best Buy Gift Card and Subscription to Wired
8. Animal Man
2014 Puppy Calendar
Joker Punching Bag
10. Green Arrow
Book on Relationships. He really, really needs this.
11. Dick Grayson
Light blue deep V-neck shirt with ridiculously large popped collar. Seems like something he'd wear.
12. Black Canary
Krypton to English Dictionary
15. Lex Luthor
Toupee with Superman curl
DC Super Heroes Chess Set
17. Captain Cold
Tickets to Disney on Ice
Matching "Best Friends" T-Shirt with Hal
19. Black Manta
Season 1 of Revenge on Blu-Ray
20.1. Black Adam
Xanax. If anyone needs a chill pill, it's probably this guy.
How to Win Friends and Influence People. The perfect gift for any would-be conqueror.
World's #1 Dad Coffee Mug. Whomp whomp.
20.4. Harley Quinn
20.5 Solomon Grundy
Book of Poetry/Nursery Rhymes
Cat Scratcher. This'll keep her busy for hours. (Seriously, how has Wonder Woman never thought of this?)
20.7 Poison Ivy
Clothes. It's winter and her outfit mainly consists of leaves. Think about that.
Nothing. What are we, insane? We shouldn't go anywhere near this guy.
Can you think of any other gift ideas for our heroes and villains? Let us know in the comments below! And yes, we know, underwear for Superman. From all of us here at DCComics.com, have a great holiday season and a Happy New Year! See you all in 2014!