Okay, you poozers, put the kids to bed and find your stomach. This week’s edition of This Just Happened is not for the squeamish! If you faint at the sight of blood, stop reading now and go watch the new DC Super Hero Girls movie trailer or something.
For the rest of youse, let’s look at what happened this week in HAL JORDAN AND THE GREEN LANTERN CORPS #16. While the combined Green and Yellow Lantern Corps work together to round up the rogue Yellow Lanterns, Guy Gardner takes it upon himself to bring in the toughest of them all—Arkillo! But true to his character, and to the bane of all of us who appreciate a little law and order, he chose to do it his way, with nothing but his hard head and two mitts to bring the big beast down.
Convincing Arkillo to ditch his ring, the two Lanterns go at it, old school style, fist-to-fist. Both of them get in their licks, but as tough as he his, Gardner is little match for the fearsome Arkillo, who confidently turns the Green Lantern into his private pinkling punching bag. But as the fight rages on, we see there’s something else driving Gardner. His mind keeps flashing back to much earlier in his life, when he was a young whelp growin’ up in Baltimore.
As Gardner reveals, his old man was a lousy drunk who would come home and beat him left and right. Years of that sure did a number on Gardner’s grey matter, I gotta tell ya, but it also toughened him up, making him one of the meanest mothers I’ve ever met. Yeah, Gardner can throw a punch. But he can also take far more of them than anyone has a right to, and it’s all because of his dear old dad. As he puts it, “I never took a punch that hurt as bad as any he gave.”
With that, he mounts a brutal attack on Arkillo (and I mean brutal, folks, this one was hard to watch), tearing out the villain’s eye and knocking his teeth left and right. Gardner punches Sinestro’s old lackey to a pulp until finally, through lips so swollen they shouldn’t be able to move, let alone form anything resembling words, Arkillo yields. The fight is over. Gardner has won.
But let’s be real here, folks. This ain’t no fantasy brawl where no one winds up bruised. In the real world, a battle like this takes its toll, even on someone as hard as Gardner. No sooner had Arkillo admitted defeat than this sad turn of events took place…
I’d say don’t you worry about Guy, but even the toughest, most sturdy tree can fall, and I’ve never seen the lunk take that bad of a beating…ever. Bleeding and out cold, it sure doesn’t look good. So make sure you join us on March 22nd when Gardner’s story—to say nothing about all the rest of us—continues in issue #17 of Hal Jordan and the Green Lantern Corps!